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Online Dating entirely useless for most men?,4 Big Online Dating Mistakes (You're Probably Making)

Answer (1 of 36): I was originally going to answer “yes”, in no small part because I have had very little luck with them, and tremendous luck with actually, you know, getting out and meeting like Being successful at online dating is the same as being successful at anything - it takes practice and effort. So much effort that a lot of men outsource their online dating. Think of it this way The conclusion seems to be that most men are entirely useless at online dating. From what I read here. That is to say, the majority of males presenting themselves to online dating A full 1/3rd of men that use online dating don't ever go on an actual date. The male to female ratio is too high resulting in a sausagefest in every dating app. Women ignore men's Try OK Cupid. I'm an average looking guy, but I've had a lot of success in dating and hookups via it over the years. You have to have a decent personality online and in person, but if you ... read more

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Thread starter Pariah Dog Start date Nov 26, Pariah Dog Well-Known Member. I have been trying the online dating thing for a few weeks and have got to a few discussions with some ladies but not a date as of yet. I however looked into some realities of the situation and it started to look pretty grim. To start off, I did some research on how to write a message that is likely to catch a ladies interest and make a message back more likely.

I have become quite good at it I think when I compare it to what most guys write I'll get to that later. The second point I'd like to make, and I am not trying to be narcissistic with this, just trying to make a point with a scientific mind set.

But I am pretty decent looking by traditional standards. I once submitted some pictures to "hot or not" years ago does that site still exist? Back then I was like a heavy metal sort of nerd that could clean up ok when I had to. I am in far better shape now and better groomed I have other evidence to support this.

It is unusual for me to talk about things in this sort of way as I make a strong effort to live in a humbled way, but again I'm trying to speak in the interest of science. The third point. It is apparently an unfortunate truth that all online dating sites have a higher number of men than women using them.

When I send out messages, I learned I can expect that about 1 in 20 will message me back. This is on a popular paid dating site. I feel like at that rate it might not take too long to get through the whole available pool. Then I read something quite profound under one advice page suggesting to try to make a fake profile as a girl to see what the best guys first messages look like. I took the challenge. I was not going to pay for another account so I just did this on "Plenty of Fish" where it is free.

I just typed in "pretty girl" on google images and chose one to make this said profile. I wanted one that was attractive but not unrealistically so. She was petite, cute, dressed like a normal girl on a summer day wearing a tank top. I made her 26 years old. I made the profile with a paragraph descriptor making her sound like a pretty average and good girl. Then the messages started coming in And I did this late at night on a week day. The next afternoon there were hundreds upon hundreds of messages.

I lost the password after that and I don't really care, i've seen all I want to see. I have heard that some attractive women will make a profile on a dating site and give up after the first day because the volume of messages that come in are ridiculous. I heard about that but I had no idea.

The truth seemed much worse that what I have read about. What I learned. The bulk of the messages from the guys were a pathetic "hey" or "what's up? They seemed in line with what all the experts agree on.

And when I'm talking about expert advised messaging I don't mean anything dishonest, just advice on increasing communications skills. Reflective of the region I live in, many of the guys who messaged appeared to be redneck douche bags, or to put this as politically correct as I can barely literate inner city gang banger type scum bags. I felt that I basically have seen what goes on behind the curtains. I think that if I were a women I would grow a sense of contempt towards men in general after repeated exposure to this.

So this was all quite crushing really. Maybe the paid sites don't have nearly as much traffic as "Plenty of Fish" so that might be hard to say. To sum this experience up. This compared to how things are changing for me in real life. Since I have been getting in better shape and have lived a very different life since fleeing my abusive ex last spring.

My confidence has grown a fair bit. At a recent company Christmas party, which was a large event with many companies in attendance. I sat myself at a table with two very attractive ladies who then wanted to spend much of the evening with me and through some of the activities there. It didn't go beyond that as it turns out they have fella's of their own who weren't in attendance. But that's a start, it wasn't so long ago I seemed virtually invisible to women.

My co-workers were awe struck that I could just sit down with them and generate that much interest. To the point I'm getting at to sum this up. Now she may not be available, or interested enough to want to date me, and being aspie my social skills are somewhat handicapped, but I figure the odds of that leading somewhere are far better than the alternative.

Thoughts on the matter? How does online dating work out for men at all to end up in a relationship? Does it take thousands of attempts on average? Ironically I met my said abusive ex on plenty of fish back in I think it was. I had never thought about the statistics behind it before. She told me she liked me because I was one of an extremely rare few guys who didn't seem like a grease ball.

I think I can do far better in person. I just need to get myself in more social situations. I am considering joining a hiking club in my area for starters. Last edited: Nov 26, Mr Allen Well-Known Member V. P Member. I'm on Tinder on my phone, and I've had a few matches in the UK, but I don't think Dad would approve of me going on Tinder dates as a 41 year old Aspie. The Midge Well-Known Member V.

Roy pryer Active Member. The Midge said:. Click to expand Ambi Well-Known Member. The main issue I had with online dating was this: most of the guys had the same description, and most of the women had the same description I was interested in men, but of course I checked out the girls out of boredom and curiosity of what all they put down. The men put down some variation of: I like doing outdoorsy things, I like concerts, I like hanging out with my friends but also quiet evenings in, and maybe I like some specific artsy thing.

The women put down some variation of: I love joking around, but I can be serious too, I love movies and concerts, but I like a private evening in too. Basically, they were either all the same they were all using the profile description simply to give out the loud and clear message that they were "normal", relatable, safe, fun, and shared the basic culture as the majority of the population.

And it gets worse. Couples who met online are nearly 3 times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face. According to the Association for Psychological Science, reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would be in a face-to-face meeting. Ryan Anderson, Ph. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

Ryan Anderson Ph. The Mating Game. The Ugly Truth About Online Dating Are we sacrificing love for convenience? Posted September 6, Reviewed by Lybi Ma Share.

Research says one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online. A study showed that reviewing multiple dating candidates online causes people to be more judgmental about them. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Get Help Find a Therapist Find a Treatment Center Find a Psychiatrist Find a Support Group Find Teletherapy Members Login Sign Up United States Austin, TX Brooklyn, NY Chicago, IL Denver, CO Houston, TX Los Angeles, CA New York, NY Portland, OR San Diego, CA San Francisco, CA Seattle, WA Washington, DC.

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If you want my team to just do your online dating for you, click here. If you're like many guys, it's not for lack of trying. And that's why you may be feeling like dating is exhausting, and dating apps are a waste of time.

You probably spend countless hours every week clicking through profiles and messaging attractive women on dating sites and apps. It's not uncommon to feel like dating sites don't work for men. A full third of guys who try online dating sites and apps never go on a single date. That adds up to around 12 hours a week , all in hopes of scoring a date that lasts approx. Some combination of those is likely the source of your frustration, so let's take a closer look at each problem.

Most dating sites and apps have more men than women, which means the most attractive women get bombarded with messages. But how do you quantify chemistry on a dating site? Face to face interaction is the only way to see if sparks fly between the two of you. Odds are excellent if you don't have a game plan firmly in hand, you're probably going about it all wrong.

The hotter a woman is, the more messages she receives - and the pickier she has to become. Which means if she has the slightest reason to eliminate you from the running, she will.

But first, let's make sure you're not committing one of these all-too-common online dating mistakes. Thanks to the "abundance of choice" on dating apps, potential matches will swipe left for the tiniest of reasons.

Effective marketing in a competitive environment is essential in business, and it's no different in the dating space! Swiping often involves split second decisions. If your primary photo doesn't immediately connect with her in a positive way, she likely won't bother looking at anything else in your profile before swiping left.

On Plenty Of Fish POF , one of the most popular free dating sites, your username is all over the place. Most notably in her search results and in her inbox. Attractive women get absolutely bombarded with messages from guys just like you on dating sites and apps.

Scrolling through profiles, doggedly churning out message after message to the attractive women they want to date. The good news is perseverance eventually pays off. The bad news is the average guy has to send out a whopping messages to be guaranteed 1 response. You have to spend a ton of time messaging women online to even get the chance to start a message exchange that leads to meeting her offline. But that doesn't mean online dating is a waste of time.

You just need to approach it the right way. Basically all a guy like you has to do is instantly grab her attention in a memorable way with both your profile and your messages, then spend the least amount of time possible convincing her to meet you in person. Being successful at online dating is the same as being successful at anything - it takes practice and effort. So much effort that a lot of men outsource their online dating. Think of it this way - if your car needs new brakes, you could watch a YouTube video and then do it yourself.

Modern dating is no different. A virtual dating assistant does the hard part for you. The profile writing, the photo selection, the tedious back and forth messaging. Literally all you do is show up for the dates. Get ready to take some notes…. If you want to save time and frustration, focus your efforts on the sites and apps that best fit your circumstances. The most popular dating app in the US, Tinder is the go-to choice for the younger set. But you'll find singles in their 30s, 40s and beyond using it as well, so it's worth the download to check out the singles near you.

com is one of the most recognizable names in online dating, and it has the huge user base to prove it. Similar to Tinder, Bumble is a swipe-based app. But it has one unique feature - only women can initiate contact.

Hinge is one of the fastest growing apps in Match Group's dating portfolio , and it's squarely aimed at users seeking serious relationships. It's been around for awhile, and was redesigned a few years back with millennial singles in mind. But it's a popular dating app with the entire spectrum of ages, and a good app to try in combination with Tinder or Bumble. Men get 21 potential matches a day, while women receive a curated group of 5 or so guys who have already swiped right.

It's not as popular as some of the other dating apps on this list, so consider using it in addition to Bumble, Tinder, or Hinge. But prepare to spend extra time screening profiles - the free sites tend to attract more low quality matches than a paid site like Match. For more on the best dating sites and apps, according to your age, check out this article. You may be lured by the promise of meeting ultra-compatible, like-minded people on niche dating sites like Elite Singles , Christian Mingle or Single Parent Meet.

While you may find some high-quality matches, keep in mind those sites just aren't as popular as mainstream ones. So you're sifting through a much smaller user pool. In other words, you may find someone incredible, but it could take a lot longer. If you do create a dating profile on a niche site, make sure you're simultaneously using a larger, more popular dating platform for the best chances. First impressions are everything in online dating.

Attractive photos will get her swiping right, checking out your profile, and responding to your message.

Radiating confidence is essential, especially in your primary photo. Strong eye contact projects it in spades. Give her a glimpse into your life in a way that makes her eager to spend time with you.

Stick with a range of 3 to 7 photos. The number of photos you use can have a huge impact on your number of matches on dating apps. For instance, using at least 3 photos on Tinder will get you 6x more matches than just using 1. Tinder even has a built in feature called Smart Photos to help you determine which one should be your primary photo.

But don't use it as a crutch - it doesn't provide any feedback. If all your photos suck, rotating in the one that sucks least won't actually improve your odds of matching with anyone. On dating platforms like Match. Check out these essential online dating photo tips , and While nailing your photos is arguably your biggest priority, if you want to reel in the highest quality women, you need a top notch profile. Different dating sites and apps have varying formats and character lengths.

But when it comes to how to write a good dating profile, there are a few golden rules to follow:. Research has shown time and again that women are instinctively drawn to certain traits like bravery, intelligence, and a willing to take risks. Reciting a laundry list of adjectives in your bio is boring, as is the case with this real profile example:.

The example above draws her in and makes her want to learn more about you. For dating sites like Match and POF where the profiles are typically longer, this 4-paragraph formula creates a winner every time :.

For everything you need to know about writing profiles for dating sites and apps, check out these examples for guys! There are a few places in your online dating profile where bending the truth will maximize your results.

Quick caveat - be honest about the biggies, like whether or not you have kids and what you do for a living. With everything listed below, stick to slight exaggerations only. Key word being "a tad". This one mostly applies to daters who live in larger cities with multiple zip codes, like New York City. Instead, you can spend the same amount of time sending multiple women a message that seems like you wrote it just for her.

Of course, messages are generally a lot shorter on dating apps like Tinder. Here's a short icebreaker that gets great results:. See how you could fire off those messages to any women who catches your eye? Of course, you can meet incredible matches in 1 easy step by hiring a team of modern dating experts. Just click here , and you could be enjoying a date with your dream girl each weekend instead of spending 12 hours a week sending out message after message hoping to get a response.

Imagine your very own Dream Team of highly skilled dating experts searching for the very best local matches, sparking their interest, and arranging all the dates for you. Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special? We've helped thousands of singles just like you since , and we're ready to make you our next success story!

I hope you enjoy reading the blog post. You get a response every now and again, but rarely from anyone you actually want to date. Revealed: The Opening Line No Woman Can Resist! Want us to do your online dating for you? Hey, I'm Ally, VIDA Select's Director of Matchmaking. We take all the frustration, hard work and hassle out of modern dating! What are you waiting for? Take the next step now…. Steal One of Our Top-Performing Bios These 10 profile examples will make women chase you!

The Ugly Truth About Online Dating,Are we sacrificing love for convenience?

A full 1/3rd of men that use online dating don't ever go on an actual date. The male to female ratio is too high resulting in a sausagefest in every dating app. Women ignore men's According to one survey, a total of 53% of US participants admitted to having lied in their online dating profile. Research says one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never Try OK Cupid. I'm an average looking guy, but I've had a lot of success in dating and hookups via it over the years. You have to have a decent personality online and in person, but if you level 1. · 8 yr. ago ♀. Yes. All men should abandon dating sites. We women are trying to get some girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl action and you men are just fucking up everything, thinking you No, online dating isn't useless to average looking guys. It's just takes a LOT of messaging and constant tweaking of how you present yourself. The dynamics of the sites are that attractive The conclusion seems to be that most men are entirely useless at online dating. From what I read here. That is to say, the majority of males presenting themselves to online dating ... read more

Your voice is missing! According to the Pew Research Center , the overwhelming majority of Americans suggest that online dating is a good way to meet people. So they didn't really say a heck of a lot other than how much they valued normalcy - at least the appearance of it. First moves form guys were always just causal "hey" and a comment on my profile description to start a conversation. Online dating is really popular.

On certain dating sites, there will be a number of sometimes fairly artistic photographed genitalia to go through as well. We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Ryan Anderson, Ph. And that's why you may be feeling like dating is exhausting, online dating for men useless, and dating apps are a waste of time. It is amusing seeing what changes can get you different attention.